convinced.....

im convinced there is something wrong with me on the inside. im being deprived of my conscious. the wind whispered your name to me again yesterday. i almost slipped into my memories again. ive got to start living sometime soon. im kind of like a shade. noticeable, but unable to hold on to anything, or let anything hold onto me. im over the upset. i just cant seem to get over our temporary perfection. its okay though. ive beaten those demons back inside the pit where i keep all of lifes other disappointments. i need to be broken. i dont think you want to know me now. im something like a monster lurking behind my own prison. sulking, waiting, behind the lies. im scared though. i think the monster wants to come out soon as a result of not being what you want. i cant be what she wants either. she doesnt see from my point of view. she remains a victim though she pulled the trigger. i don't think she wants to know the truth. nausea overwhelms me when i allow myself to focus on the subject for too long. im over everyone. i just wish someone would make an impact on me. until then im just faking life. searching for a hypocrite, just so i dont feel so alone. i have plans, im going to surprise them all, i just hope it doesnt faze you. i'm not so worried anymore though. these fists will prove faithful with time. hold your breath.....